What unfolded from here has been shared with very few in my life. I have regarded it as intensely personal – even sacred in many ways. Like so many other mystical experiences and insights I’ve had, I’ve kept it hidden to protect myself (and the experience) from questioning, disbelief, and even ridicule.
For reasons I cannot fully explain, it seems the time is right for me to share what happened that night, as best I can, with a wider audience.
I have no frame of reference for this experience – how long I’d been asleep or how long it took – though there is a sense that it was in the early hours of the morning. Equally, I don’t know what was happening with my body at the time – but something in me says that both my heart and my breathing stopped for a while.
What I do remember though, is that I suddenly found myself within a field of golden light from which I emerged into the most beautiful forest meadow. I don’t recall any sense of floating or being propelled in any way; it was more like an archway or portal within this field of light came towards me, brushed me like a feather, and then closed behind me… leaving me standing in total wonder at my surroundings.
It felt as real as any physical experience I have encountered. I was instantly aware of the uniquely blended scent of earth, trees, grass and wildflowers you only encounter in open woodland areas. I could hear birds in full-throated song, and feel the sun on my face. A light breeze played around me, helping soothe the heat of the day.
I started to walk across the clearing, I don’t know why, it just seemed like the right way to go. It was a wide meadow and about halfway across I noticed an old colonial-style homestead directly ahead, almost invisible against the tree line.
Ahhh, so this was my destination. I was going home!! An overwhelming feeling of joy flooded me.
As I moved closer, I could see a group of people sitting out on the front porch. They were laughing, talking, playing music, and generally having a good time. I was now only a hundred metres away and could see everyone clearly. It was as if they all noticed me at once. They started waving and calling out to me by name. It was a heart-warming welcome. I knew them all too… and it was so good to see them again!!
Almost immediately, a tall, statuesque woman with flowing blonde hair stood and moved quickly towards me. It seemed as if she was walking, but it took only a moment for her to be standing right in front of me. This totally surprised me because everything was so real, so normal and seemingly solid around me. I had just assumed that the basic laws of physics still applied.
It was in this moment I first started to have the feeling that I had shifted realities, and I remember having a profound understanding of what Dorothy in the ‘Wizard of Oz’ meant when she said, “I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore Toto.”
As this being stood in front of me she smiled and looked directly into my eyes. I knew her somehow. She was so familiar, and yet I couldn’t place her. I had a fleeting thought that she must be an angel, maybe even my guardian angel, but weren’t angels supposed to have wings? This really was a very strange place. I have tried to recall her face many times, but I never get a clear image, just fragments.
Her eyes though, I will never forget. Oceanic blue-green, bright, intense, infinite, they beckoned me into their depths and for the first time since my early childhood, I felt safe and completely loved.
I can’t say how long we held each other’s gaze – like so much of what was to follow, it felt like a moment and eternity all at once – and then she spoke.
It was a firm, clear voice – gentle, yet authoritative. It left me in no doubt that I needed to listen to her very closely. “You are only here for a visit, but while you are here you can ask me three questions about anything other than your own future.”
So much happened in that moment. I suddenly knew that I had left my body… and if I had actually stepped onto the porch of that old house, I wouldn’t be going back.
There was instant disappointment, because this was home, and all my friends were here, and I was fully at peace, and it was so beautiful… and above all, there was love… pure unconditional love.
Before I knew it, total confusion took over… just three questions??!! What am I going to ask her?? I’m not ready for this!! And then, almost instantly it came to me, as if it had been drawn through me… and perhaps it was.
I suddenly heard myself asking… “How do you live to your greatest potential as a human being?”
I expected her to say, ‘To love everyone as you would wish to be loved.’ or the old ‘Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you.’ or something vaguely scriptural… but it was not to be anything so obvious.
Instead, she looked at me, smiled knowingly and said in words that almost had a physical impact because they were so unexpected… “Live your life with great courage.”
In that moment it was as if I exploded into a billion pieces – a moment of infinite expansion – where I not only met the infinite, I became it – and became One with All That Is.
It was as if every mystery of the Universe was revealed to me. I knew the answer to everything without even having to ask any questions. There were no questions… just infinite knowingness.
I suddenly found myself flying over a vast city of light. In fact, everything here was made of light – and within that light was information and awareness. The light was alive, it was conscious, and it was love. Light, information and awareness. So that was the matrix of all things. The matrix of infinite potential and possibility, that which became form and dissolved again. The very fabric from which everything That Is, including us, is made. And its very essence is pure, unconditional love.
This realisation was overwhelming. I experienced love in its true form… and it was bliss.
In a moment that was totally seamless with the last, I found myself standing inside a massive library. I could not see its confines as the shelves stretched out endlessly in all directions. And on these shelves were countless books… and the books, like the shelves themselves, glowed with the same incandescent loving blue light that everything in this realm seemed to be made of.
I knew beyond any doubt that every book that had ever been written, and would ever be written in the entire Universe, was housed here. The great library of Alexandria was but a speck within this universal repository of knowledge.
I stared at these books and wanted to read each and every one of them. As I reached towards the first book to take it from the shelf, another realisation came, I didn’t need to read the book, I could just touch it and all the information it contained would be instantly be made available to me. And then I realised that if I touched the shelf, I would access all the information of all the books on that shelf. And then I realised that if I touched the walls of the library all the information contained within the entire library was mine.
But then came the greatest realisation of all. I was this information… I was made of this information and so was everything and everyone… and it was available to us all, if we but opened our hearts to that possibility.
I again became infinite expansion in which this profound insight was further reinforced to me through an absolute knowingness of this Truth.
In another seamless moment, I was again standing in front of the beautiful angelic presence that had met me as I crossed the meadow.
Just like before, she fixed me with her eyes. A whimsical kind of smile, almost Mona Lisa-like, took shape on her face. After a slight pause, she simply asked; “Anymore questions?”
I was speechless still trying to assimilate and integrate everything that had taken place. I had touched the face of the Divine Infinite, and nothing in physical existence can ever prepare you for that.
I just shook my head ‘No’. No words were possible. No questions existed. There was only sacred awe and wonder.