If you want to know what you Believe – and I mean truly Believe (as opposed to what you think you believe) – then take a good look at your life exactly as it is now! It is the perfect snapshot of your current belief system. Your very own ‘virtual reality’ created by and filtered through your own unique belief paradigm (framework).
One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with when I started my own personal development journey over 30 years ago, was to really own that everything that was in my life and part of my life experience, I had put there. And I had put it there not only through what I had chosen to Believe – but what I had also been taught to Believe – mostly by well-intentioned people who ‘Believed’ that they had my best interests at heart.
But how could that be true?? Surely I couldn’t have come to Believe that my life should contain so many struggles and disappointments. Surely I couldn’t Believe that I was unable to find any real meaning and purpose in my life. And above all, surely I couldn’t believe that I had to sabotage any relationship that represented pure ongoing unconditional love and acceptance.
The ‘rational’ part of me wanted to reject that out of hand. There is no way I could have bought into such a bleak and disempowering story of how things were for me. That was just plain crazy. After all didn’t I Believe that everyone was worthy of love, success and living happily ever after?
Yet, at the end of the day, there was no denying the evidence. My life was consistently showing me something different. Somehow ‘everyone’ didn’t seem to include me – and I had to find out why.
It was about that time I came across a quote by the renowned mind and consciousness researcher, Dr. John C Lilly, who said – “Whatever you believe to be true, either is true or is in the process of becoming true, experientially”
If that was indeed true, then I must ‘Believe’ something quite different to what I thought I believed. In fact not just different, but in some instances the exact opposite!!
To say I found all of this somewhat confusing would be an understatement. As I remember it, it was more of a mental meltdown! It was like someone had turned everything I thought I knew and understood completely upside down, and I was desperate to make sense of it all. There had to be an answer there somewhere – but where?
The key to this particular puzzle started to emerge over time as I came to the gradual understanding that ‘Opinions’ are very different to Beliefs!!
You see we all have ‘opinions’ about so many things – ourselves included – but there is very little of us actually invested in it. Opinions are often just thoughts we are holding about certain things while we are deciding whether or not we are going to turn them into actual Beliefs.
It is like we are examining/exploring certain concepts and the jury is still out about whether we are going to buy into it or not. We are still in the process of gathering evidence before we make a call on it. After all – seeing is believing, isn’t it?
The trouble is we somehow convince ourselves that our opinions have already become our Beliefs. We may, from a purely conceptual or intellectual level, be of the opinion, for instance, that we deserve to be as happy, loved, successful and abundant as anyone else. We certainly know, at the very least, that we have a strong preference for it to be that way.
But if our actual deeply held subconscious Belief is that we are unworthy of it, or we hold any other negative judgments about ourselves and our ultimate deservedness, we will never give ourselves permission to receive that which we desire.
Often a Belief will take up residence in our subconscious and we are not even aware that we have bought into it. This is especially true when we are children. Our parents invest our life force energy into their Belief systems on our behalf. Their ‘truths’ become our truths. Their opinions and judgments become our opinions and judgments. Their Belief Paradigm (or large portions of it) becomes our Belief Paradigm.
Of course, this is all meant to prepare us for life and keep us safe in a perceived hostile and unforgiving world. After all, it’s all about survival, isn’t it? So FEAR gets firmly placed in the driver’s seat from day one. And fear’s constant companion is judgment. We are taught to assess and judge everything. Is he, she, this place, this situation a potential threat? It gets hardwired into us.
In and amongst all of this is placed perhaps one of the most debilitating and disempowering Beliefs of all – and that it is – ‘It is my job to make other people happy’. And this starts with our parents. In fact, we come to Believe as a young child that our very survival depends on it. By doing that which pleases them and later other authority figures, we guarantee our ongoing existence and place in the world – or so it seems.
Our ‘worthiness’ or otherwise becomes based on how we perceive others judge us. We are either ‘validated’ or ‘invalidated’ depending on what we ‘think’ other people think of us. And so the never-ending cycle of self-judgement, self-worth – and resultant self-deservedness, begins.
Unfortunately, most of us judge ourselves harshly. We hold ourselves up to the impossible task of trying to consistently please others and inevitably find ourselves wanting.
No one teaches us that it is not within our power to please anyone else – because we have absolutely no control over how anyone else chooses to respond to anything. We are trained like dogs to jump through hoops to make others happy. The catch is that no matter how many hoops we jump through there will always be another – and another – and another. We are on the proverbial ‘hiding to nothing’ – a Mission Impossible without an Ethan Hunt to come to the rescue.
Another great lie we are taught is that “You can’t have your cake and eat it too” Well who wants a cake you can only look at?? That’s a ridiculous concept. Of course, we can have our cake and eat it too!! And we can mix and bake that cake any way we want it. It can be any size, shape, colour and flavour we choose. And furthermore, we can enjoy creating the cake and we can enjoy eating the cake. In fact, that is what life is about, the act of joyful creation and then joyfully experiencing that which we’ve created!!
So how do we begin to free ourselves from all these limiting, debilitating, disempowering, FEAR-based beliefs? (And remember what FEAR stands for: False Evidence Appearing Real – or – Fantasised Events Appearing Real.}
I know for me I had to start to really examine the negative patterns in my life to get to the bottom of the core Beliefs that must sit behind them. I literally began to ask myself, “What would I have to believe in order for this to be turning-up in my life?” And no matter how outlandish or ‘unbelievable’ the answer might seem to be, I would decide to accept it at face value.
As I strung all of these negative, fearful, self-limiting beliefs together I came to see a ‘story’ emerging. A story that defined what I could and couldn’t have, what I was worthy of and not worthy of. What was possible and not possible for me. I could also begin to see recurring themes of guilt, shame, inadequacy, and invalidation.
It became apparent that I needed a whole New Story!!
One of my favourite TV Shows growing up was Star Trek – and one of the things that always intrigued me was the concept of the ‘HoloDeck’ where you could download a selected programme into the computer and it would create a virtual reality so real that you experienced it as if it was actually happening to you.
(There is an increasing body of thought that has emerged from the study of Quantum Physics suggesting that what we perceive as ‘physical reality’ is actually more ‘holographic’ in nature. A totally unique virtual reality created by our own consciousness interacting with the Quantum Field – and as such, nothing is a solid, immutable, or permanent as it seems.)
It became obvious to me that I had to reprogram my own on-board computer (the subconscious) with a whole new set of beliefs that were based on Being, Doing and Having, as opposed to those of Lack, Want, and Limitation. Beliefs that empowered me and said “Yes I can!” as opposed to “No I can’t.” I had become pretty clear about what I didn’t want – so now it was a case of refocusing on what I did want and all the reasons why I gave myself permission to have it.
My own particular way of approaching this was to literally write it out and describe in detail how I wanted every aspect of my life to play out. A brand new story of how I desired my life to be and all the reasons I was worthy of receiving it. It was then a case of reading this story to myself out loud, each and every day – sometimes more than once a day.
But it was not enough to just read the words – it was important that I put real emotion and excitement behind the words. To feel as if that which I desired had already arrived and that I was already experiencing the joy of having it. In other words, it is important to imagining the eating of the cake while you are still in the process of creating it!
It is the actual emotion (Energy-in-Motion) that provided the ‘juice’ that turns the words and desires into a ‘point of attraction’ – a bit like running a current to an electro-magnet so that it can actually draw things to it.
Over time the story has developed and grown as my own life has developed and grown. Things that would have seemed impossible to me just a few years ago have either come to pass or are now well within my grasp. I have dared to dream bigger as I have to come to understand that I am only limited by what I ‘choose’ to believe – and as a consequence – what I give myself permission to have.
A few months ago I discovered an extremely powerful tool that allowed me to combine music, pictures, and affirmations to create my own unique ‘mind movie’ story that has further accelerated the process for me.
The thing I like about working with my own mind movie creation is that I can easily change or alter it anytime I want, and I can also make specific mind movies to focus on any particular aspect of my life I want to give extra focus. Eg – creating additional income, further improving general health and well-being, etc. And the combination of music and visuals takes me instantly into the feeling place of it all.
The truth for all of us is that life will continue to unfold – and we will all continue to face our fair share of challenges and contrasts. The question is from what place will we choose to respond and how will we use (or not use) those challenges and contrasts to further improve both the quality and content of our lives.
Here are a few understandings that have been helpful to me as I navigate my own life path:
- This is a Belief driven Universe where thoughts become things – and hence my life experience is a reflection of those Beliefs and thoughts
- For things to change first I must change – and that starts with what I choose to Believe.
- The Universe is infinitely abundant and I can choose to operate from a paradigm of Love and ‘Thrival’ – as opposed to Fear and Survival.
- I can’t ‘not think’ something – but I can choose to think something else.
- It is part of my purpose to have my cake and eat it too – I came here to joyfully create, experience and empower.
- I am deeply grateful for and appreciative of all I have and remain open to receiving so much more.
- I am not here to make anyone else happy.
- Equally, it is no one else’s job or responsibility to make me happy. Whether I am happy or not is purely over to me.
- Though I may have some influence, I have no actual control over what anyone else thinks, believes or chooses. The only control I have is how I choose to respond to it.
- What anyone else thinks of me is none of my business.
- I am infinitely worthy of unconditional love, I was always worthy and I earned the right to be here the moment I turned up in this body on planet Earth.
In closing, I would like to leave you with the following words that I first came across in Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book’ Excuses Begone!’ For me, it says it all and if you get this – you get everything – literally!!
“Most people think that Seeing is Believing – but very few people know or understand that Believing is Seeing.”